How to stop screwing your life over and over, AND OVER??!!

Big problem with a simple answer and yet it’s not easy. That’s what I learned from the amazing Mel Robbins and her TED Talk on “How to stop screwing yourself over” that changed my life. It helped me to get back up and continue living my ONLY ONE LIFE.

But really, how can you change your life? How to be unstuck? How to stop messing it up? Her advice: CHANGE YOUR HABITS. Yes, changing it can improve your life. How?

Let me tell you my story.

I was stuck for almost a year. Doing the same things over and over and over for a f**k**g year! Pathetic? Yeah, been there.

After we immigrated to Canada, I tried my best (at least I thought that’s my best) to get a job so I can continue what I always do: work, help my family and travel. What did I do to get a job? Well, like what job seekers normally do: check the job sites, research the company, tailor your cover letter and resume then submit. Wait for a couple of days or weeks for a reply. Of course, the majority did not even bother to send a confirmation that they received my application. So most of the time, I waited for nothing.

At some point, it gave me a notion that my way worked. If not, why did some company even bother to interview and almost hire me? Ha! So I continued. I continued up to the point that I don’t want to do it anymore. I got impatient and exhausted and bored. I thought that my life was ruined. It really felt that way.

Then this TED Talk video came in and made me realize that it’s time to move on — that it is time for a change. So I started it by improving my habits.

Change the Way You Think

This was the first thing I did. I realized that I had this habit of having negative thoughts early in the morning. That’s right, by the time I opened my eyes, bad thoughts would quickly swarm into my head. Like who comes first will have a prize, so every one of them tried to be the winner.

I pitied myself for not having a job, that I miss my family and travelling, that I felt guilty for not being able to support my parents, that I can’t buy things I wanted without thinking that what I’m spending is not my own, so on and so forth.

I replaced these thoughts about the things I was grateful for: family, friends, food, house, clothes, sun, trees, flowers and my life — MY ONLY ONE LIFE.

There are many things that we can be grateful for, but sometimes we are too blind to see because we focused on the flaws.

Every once in a while, negative thoughts creeped in, but I fight. I struggle but I fight.

Change Your Action

Even the simple ones. You know what action I changed first?

Smiling 🙂

Yes, I put a smile on my face first thing in the morning. I accompanied my gratefulness with a smile. Before, as negative thoughts swarmed in, my lonely sad face followed.

I messaged my family everyday to fight homesickness. I talked to my close friends every once in a while to keep the loneliness at bay. I thanked everyone who did good things to me instead of thinking that I was a burden.

I tried to bring back my old self. Hoping for a new spark, a new light to guide me into a brighter path.

Control Your Reaction

That is the third change I did; to control my reactions, my attitude towards the circumstances. 

“You cannot control the things that trigger you. But you can always choose not to repeat the pattern. You are in control of your behavior.”

Mel Robbins

So I did consider controlling my behavior.

Bad things do happen whether you like it or not. So instead of being annoyed and stressed out, accept it, embrace it, learn from it, then move on. Consider every circumstance as an opportunity to broaden your experience and enrich your personality.

I have to admit, it’s not easy. In fact, it was difficult. So difficult that I needed to use all the powers that were left in me. But I already decided, I don’t want to be stuck anymore.

It is not easy to change your habits, especially if you were doing it for a long time. It became a part of you; and the process of removing a part of you, is tough. But if you want it, if you need it, you will find the courage and strength to do it.

Most of the time, I don’t feel like doing it, but I did it anyway. That’s my choice.

What’s yours?