I was stuck for almost a year. I realized it’s not easy to plan out your life after lingering in a sedentary life for quite a while. So after being stuck, next – you will be lost.
Although I already decided to move forward – I don’t have any idea what to do next. I wanted to keep moving, but how? What should I do? Where should I begin? As I continue asking, things get fuzzier.
Why am I here? How to go back from where I was? Can I still go back? Do I even want to go back?
Those were my everyday questions. And every time I can’t answer, I just go on with my daily life with the thought of answering those the next day.
Days passed by, and still, I can’t think of any. Those bad feelings I had were sneaking back – again.
This is not good. I need to do something – anything.
So I started the process…
The first thing I did is to remind myself every day that my goal is to move forward. That there is no other way for me to go but forward – just forward.
I thought it would be helpful to accompany that reminder with happy thoughts especially in the morning. That’s easy – I say.
But I was wrong…
Every time I woke up, the first thought I had was how miserable I am. That I am unhappy, and I am lost.
How can I do this?
Maybe I don’t need to be happy; that it is ok to be sad. Maybe it is better not to chase it. Perhaps it is enough to just have a goal, to just remind me of that goal.
And that’s what I did.
Every morning, for weeks, I iterated to myself what my goal is. Whatever feeling I was having, I told myself that soon, this will be all over.
After a few months, I found myself searching for new things to do. My cravings for trying new and different activities came back.
So I continued…
Slowly, It changed the way I think. Happy thoughts came without trying. Became grateful without choosing. Motivation lingers. It felt lighter. I became happier.
This experience taught me a lot of things.
This attitude where if we are trying to do something big, we become overwhelmed by the process that paralyzes us. It will make us think that we cannot do it. That we are not strong like the others. This thought alone stops us from moving, from even making the first step, the smallest step.
We have to break this attitude. We need to trust ourselves that we can do it, that we will be able to do it. Don’t rush. Set the goal and start small.
Don’t be afraid, it’s ok.
Once you do your first step, you’ll find a way to your next and then the next…
Just keep moving.. little by little.. be patient.. and be brave.